this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
