I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize