She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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