I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
