There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Success! We fucked roommates!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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