There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
