it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
