Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
