Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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