Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
