dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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