When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
