I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
