YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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