just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
