I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
