I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
