if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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