he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize