..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize