I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dick very happy bro
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
