where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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