apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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