btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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