everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize