I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
