i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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