I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
