I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
