dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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