If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
