At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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