apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Couch. On fire.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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