Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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