we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
