I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
