Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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