he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
