Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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