Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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