it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
