Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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