We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
