4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
