He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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