Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
