i think i have herpe
just one?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
