??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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