If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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