it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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