my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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