can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
