now i know why i became what i already was.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
