Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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