Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
