Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we should paint friendship bongs
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