Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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