I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
