Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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