I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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