This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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