Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
