So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
