I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
