I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
