Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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