I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
