I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
