My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
