Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
