The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
