Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
