I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We left an ass print on the piano.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
