Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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