I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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