I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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