You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
