Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
