bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
