Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
